Lots of stuff...good, sad, all around...

So first, after my kind of crazy rant, I wanted to clarify some things that are coming into focus.

The next day I gave a quiz after doing math for about an hour and a half with my 6th and 7th graders. I just took over and did the Mr. Smith thing: show the steps, write them, go over them, practice them, sent the kids home to try on their own.

The day before the quiz I sat an hour after school with the same student whose house I went to for a conference! I gave him a little help..and another teacher was there to help me translate some things into Yapese. This kid, who is the worst, academically, sat there for one hour and finished 20 math problems exactly as I showed him in class. The awesome thing....they were ALL right! It was a really good feeling. I mean this kid has failed EVERYTHING this year so far. So...fast forward to the next day, quiz day. Here is the GREAT news!

Every student except one did all the problems just as I showed...and got them all right!!!!!!! Don't get the wrong idea, please. This isn't to say...oh I am awesome...it's not, I'm not. The thing is....it showed me with a little help and structure these kids can learn on their own. I won't have to pull my hair out! They can do it and with just a little support and a smile. The sternness was still there. If they weren't writing and paying attention I scolded them. Other than that, it was a great day for teaching. It made me feel like I can stay here and get things done!

Next is the sad stuff. Today, Saturday for me, I was listening to Dick Gordon's the story on a Podcast I downloaded. It's a story called, The Greatest Heart. PLEASE GO AND DOWNLOAD IT!! It's amazing!!

http://www.thestory.org/

Basically, it's about a heart transplant and all the feelings there: loss, love, sacrifice, life, sorrow, joy. Well, I couldn't help but think about my Dad. I still think about him a lot. I really miss him. If anyone had the greatest heart...it was him. Then I realized something, it brought me to tears. Lying in my Yapese bedroom, crying, I thought of my Mom and Dad. I realize they gave me a great heart. And Dad, while gone from this place, really does live on in me. There are small affirmations of this all the time. Mom tells me that I remind her of Dad. I see the way people react to my jokes, how easily I can make a friend, and I think of my Dad. He really did have the greatest heart and I have part of it. Well I suppose, now, that he is gone, I have alot of it. Being here I realize that I am directly part of him and he is of me. I don't mean in the scientific way..I mean in the spiritual, intangible way that interconnects everyone.

The thing that really started me thinking this was a comment the heart transplant recipient made on the show. She said that she would go over to the home of the girl who died to give her the heart, Lindsey. She would sit with Lindsey's mother and they would talk, eat, laugh. And she said that Lindsey's mother would feel her pulse to feel Lindsey's pulse. The host asks, "You said Lindsey's pulse?" The girl responds, "Yes, Lindsey's pulse."

Well...I suppose I have Newell's pulse, Newell's heart. Not only that...but I have Susan's heart too. I get my Dad's heart and I also get my Mom's! It was a bit overwhelming for me. I am this living embodiment of my parents' hopes and dreams. I don't know...maybe this isn't the forum for this. A blog of Yap might not be the place to put my familial feelings. Nevertheless, I was so moved that I got up, came to school, and had to write about it. I had to get it out.

Part of me knows this is about the holiday season. This will be first Christmas ever away from my family. I miss my Mom. I have missed my Dad for many years now. I think about them both everyday. My Dad never got to see me teach. He will not see my children (if I have any). He will not see pictures of me in Yap. Yet, today I thought of it this way: with every heartbeat I have, he will live those things with me. He'll put his feet in the warm salt water. He'll see the salt water tears of frustrated students. He'll see students walking barefoot along the road. He'll see me walking the road of my life and be somewhere around me when that road ends.

My Mom will hear about everything. She'll see me smile when I talk. She'll get pieces of Yap in the mail. She'll have more Christmases with me. She'll laugh with me about wild stories about bad students! She will worry about me and know that I will be OK. She'll know I have gone through much worse and have made it here today. She'll know that I will make it through harder times.

My parents, Rick, my family, my friends, have all given me part of themselves to make my heart a better heart. I am still working on it. I see I can be the mean, sarcastic, acidly rude, but ultimately, loving son and friend that misses everyone who contributed to who I am today. Anyway, that was way too sad, too contemplative, too wordy, but I had to get it out. I miss you all. Christmas is coming and I want nothing more than to see all of you.

Much love to all of you,

You have my heart,

You are the greatest,
D