Mr. Smith strikes again....

For those of you that know anything about me...I am apprently, the very serious friend and often times...asshole teacher.

So...after I was fueled up by a great breakfast of Fruit Loops....YES....I ate them....and YES...I love them....I walked 10 minutes to school. This morning I made a student cry. Crying students is something that I am pretty used to. It's hard when I have tried a lot of different things to get the kids to do their homework and take responsibility for their work. Yes, these are only 6th and 7th graders, but their English and academic levels are well below that.

So...I talked with a student about how homework needs to take priority, how school is imporant, and that I just want to help...but I can't help those who do nothing.

Then, after a day of teaching, I went to a student's house to conference with his Grandmother about his poor performance. It was shocking for this white guy to show up to a Yapese household to scold a child for failing literally, every class.

Also, understand: Education is the ONLY way to leave Yap to have what we in the U.S. would consider a better life (more money, opportunities etc.) This is not just something I am spouting off...it is TRULY the only way off the island. That or the military.

Just to be clear...this is not out of the blue. My work is harder here than it ever was in the states. I am at school until 5 on most days (school ends at 2:30). I am writing assesments for things, making multiple lesson plans, and staying up until 11 o'clock last night helping one of my students, who lives next door, finish his homework. Please don't take this blog as a complaint. The point is, I really do love teaching. I want to pull my hair out, I want to scream, I want to break things, I want to die sometimes BUT....it comes from the fact that I just want the kids to UNDERSTAND. So...with that in mind, the universe continues calling me to teach from the U.S. Read here in a note from a former chemistry student:


Hey Mr. Smith!I want to thank you for teaching me all of the chemistry that you taught me last year...I know that I definitely did not appreciate all of it during the Honors Chem course...but I definitely appreciate it now that I am in AP Chem. Every time we start a new topic, I am able to go into it with a basic understanding and that really helps me get the grades that I want. I averaged a 95 last quarter and I have a solid 98 so far this quarter. I had wanted to find a way to thank you earlier but only very recently remembered that you had a Facebook. Anyways, thanks once again.


I just want everyone to know...and all my critics, because I have MANY, to know I love teaching and my methods, while sometimes harsh, work. I HATED being the most hated chemistry teacher at my old school. But...emails such as this make it all worth it. Everyone knew I was mean, hard, short-tempered, but I also found out, very recently, that my students did great on the chemistry EOC.

I am also a hard ass becuase I was a crappy student. My parents fought with my tooth and nail to do the things I needed to do. I turned out O.K. Academically, I could have done SO much more...gone to a better school, got more scholarships, etc. I didn't. The only reason: I was LAZY. So I don't allow laziness from my students!

So...I am trying to transfer these things here. I have come to Yap, I gave up a damn good life in NC, I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my dog...but, if I can teach some of these kids to read, to think, to enjoy learning, I will have done something good here. Sometimes I get sad and wish I would have stayed home but these kids need me. The teachers need me and I WANT to help! Am I crazy?!?! I know I am rambling a bit...but your thoughts would be nice. Were your mean teachers your best ones? I want to be like Mrs. Woolard: kind, compassionate, loving, nurturing, or Mrs. Smith--whose eternal optimism in her students kept her (and me)alive. Or Mrs. Warren, who knew just when to back off...becuase she is a hard ass too! Yet, her students knew that she loved the hell out of them if they tried. Can I do it? Is it in me? Can I be a nice Mr. Smith? I don't know.

All I know is that I have the want and the knowledge to help. That is a good start. What else can I do?

I miss you all. I miss Enloe, I miss my chemistry department. I especially miss my family now that it's Christmas and we LOVED that holiday together. Yet again, I come back to the fact that I THINK I am helping...that I am truly changing lives 1000s of miles away. And maybe, just maybe, one day, a Yapese child will go to a college in the U.S. and make something good from the few Enligh vocab words I taught. It's a great thought...and I really feel it will come true. I miss you all.

D